Most Liberals Don't Know Dick - I Was Once One

Most liberals don't know jack squat. Before you get all worked up, I said most. Most of what they say is hyperbole and conspiracy theories that are so oft repeated in liberal circles that they come to believe them as true. There IS a difference between lying and being mistaken. It's just as plausible that Iraq ferried its WMD's to Syria in the lead up to the war. It's just as plausible that Saddam outwitted the intelligence agencies of the world while we had our thumbs up our asses debating Pelosi, Reid, Kennedy, and Co. It's just as plausible that all of our intelligence was wrong. It's a lot more plausible than the president lying.

But a couple moonbats start the "He Lied" chant and it builds to a high pitched shriek that won't die.
I know most liberals don't know shit.
Because I was once a liberal...
I voted for Bill Clinton twice.
I am still a registered Democrat (I moved to Georgia where they don't ask your political party preference when you register to vote. Open primaries. So I still get ridiculous letters from the Kerry camp)

In 1980 I was selling "No Rea-Gun" and "Solar Power" t-shirts and playing guitar in Central Park. My roomies and I were pretty much your typical liberal stoners from the 70's. I didn't know ANYTHING about Ronald Reagan. Not one iota. But I knew he was evil. I knew he was going to start World War III. I knew he was an actor who wasn't very smart. And I knew he was a racist.

How did I know? Because everybody of my ilk kept saying so. And I believed it to be true. I knew nothing about the man. We couldn't Google back then.

I always voted Democrat. Because Republicans were the rich people and I wasn't rich. Because I knew they were the 'establishment'. How did I know? Because everybody around me kept saying so.

And then I voted for Clinton twice. I didn't know dick about him either. But I liked him. He played sax on MTV, admitted smoking mary jane (but was too much of a pussy to inhale?), and he just seemed different than your average stuffed-shirt politician.

And then it happened. I was visiting my parents while on vacation and the Monica scandal broke. I was furious at that lying little tramp. When Clinton gave his little "I did not have sexual relations..." speech my parents and I ate it up. (they are still kool-aid drinkers). I believed Bill. And when I found out he lied, I was like "oh well, who wouldn't lie about that" (this was before he perjured himself in court).

But it started to bother me. Then one day in 1998 I was on a business flight with one of our technical directors, Eric.
At a layover in Salt Lake City, he asks me, "so Kevin, would you describe yourself as more of a conservative or a liberal"
"Liberal"
"Really? Cuz you seem pretty conservative..."
"How so? I enjoy a little of the chronic bud now and then, I have lots of gay friends, I'm pretty opened minded."
"You have guns though, right?"
"Yeah, I like guns. I would never give them up to anybody", I reply.
"Would you shoot a burglar?"
"In a heartbeat."

"Do you believe in the death penalty?", he asks.
"Absolutley. I think it should apply to murderers, rapists, and child molesters"

"What about illegal immigrants?", he asks.
"The death penalty? That's a bit harsh dont you think? Oh, wait, you mean what do I think about them? They shouldn't be here. They are illegal."

"What about welfare?", he asks.
"It should be temporary for emergency situations only. Kids shouldn't go hungry just because their parents are worthless bums."

"What about the Gulf War?"
"We should have gone all the way to Baghdad."

"Dude", he says, "You are so conservative it's not funny."

And thank God for the internet. The more blatant manipulation I saw by the mainstream media the more I believed my friend. I researched every political story at that time, checking multiple sources, getting both sides of any given story. And the more research I did, the more I realized I was no liberal and that liberals didn't know dick about truth. And now I was going to fight their agenda.

I am older now. I realize now that I was once a young know-it-all about nothing when it came to politics. I was young and let's be honest: if you aren't a liberal when you are young, then there is probably something wrong with you.

I was talking to my 17 yr old high school dropout nephew recently and he said, "Bush is a dumbass."
I asked, "What do you base that on?"
He replied "Everybody knows it..."

Ahhhh, memories come flooding back. My nephew, the lemming. He really is a good kid, he just has that youthful exuberance that drives us to learn lifes harsher lessons. I hope he enjoys these carefree years while he can because somedoay he will likely grow up, gain some stature in life, wake up one day and realize he is really a conservative.

I once was blind but now I see.